Opinion & Editorial Editor
Cancerians (those born between June 22 and July 22) are known for being particularly predisposed to believe in the paranormal. I guess it makes sense then that, being born on June 24, horoscopes are something that I find particularly interesting. It’s not that I don’t realize horoscopes may be a sham. I mean, giving broad generalizations that might be true for anyone (“You’re going to run into someone you know today”) might be a bit of a cop-out; however it’s still fun to turn wide-eyed to our friends, exclaiming, “Oh my God, it’s so true!”
It’s mostly for fun and, regardless, it’s nice to have a solid foundation of predictability to start out my month — or week, or day, or next 15 minutes (yes, I subscribe to a whole lot of Cancer Horoscope Twitters).
Now that the school year is kicking into full swing, I thought I would provide all of you with a little bit of prediction regarding this upcoming semester. For those of you who are deep believers in the fate of the stars, and for those of you who just want a little back-to-school forecast to get you going, here are my predictions based on absolutely nothing (neither the stars nor the ability to read them).
And, let’s be real, no matter what I type, it will probably end up being at least a little bit true.
Aries (March 21- April 19):
I see pledging a fraternity or sorority in your future! If you’re already in a Greek organization, I see a bountiful pledge class coming your way. No need to fear a dull year socially because new friends are arriving within the next few weeks.
Taurus (April 20-May 20):
You’re finally going to figure out that major you’ve been working on. I know it was disappointing that Pre-Law didn’t work out as well as you thought, and your mom threw a hissy fit about that whole Religious Studies attempt, but you’re finally going to figure out that joint-major that will satiate both your thirst for curiosity and your pragmatic sensibilities.
Gemini (May 21-June 21):
Your outgoing nature will pay off soon enough. You’re already pretty well-known around campus, but with your ability to constantly engage and relate to people of all different types will come in handy when trying to get involved in a new activity. Keep an open mind — it might not seem like your “thing” at first, but you’ll come to love that new club soon enough!
Cancer (June 22-July 22):
Your first few assessments of the semester have not been your best work. But do not fear! Your active participation in class and your clear wont to learn are quickly becoming apparent to your professors. They know these first few slips are not indicative of you as a student and they can’t wait to see how you’ll improve. Your next few exams and papers are sure to look up!
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22):
You seem funny. You should probably join The Rumspringas! Or at least follow them on Twitter. (@TheRumspringas)
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):
Social media has been great to you recently. You have a spiffy new cover photo on your neat new timeline on Facebook. But it’s time to step away from the computer a bit. Make sure to make the most of this coming weekend with friends and people you meet while out!
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23):
Trying out a new club sport this semester is sure to be just what the doctor ordered. It might be a little tricky to try to jump back into something you haven’t done since high school, but it’s going to be a great experience!
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 22):
Be careful of your decisions this upcoming Saturday night. Yes, that parking sign would look totally epic in your apartment, but I promise it’s not worth having a Monday morning chat with your house prefect. (Actually, it might be funny to read about in Crime Watch… go for it!)
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 21):
D-Hall is going to be especially delicious on the night of your birthday! No need to do some fancy dinner out with all of your friends because everyone will have a just as fun (and cheap) time dining in at the Restaurants at Ben Franklin.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 20):
It’s time to make amends with that Public Safety Officer you already offended this semester. A nice apology note never hurt anyone.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 18):
I really sense that rash will clear up soon.
Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20):
Your writing has been impressing all of your professors recently. Now it’s definitely time to put that talent to use and come write for The College Reporter! I hear they meet on Monday at 7:30 p.m. on the second floor of the College Center! Newbies always welcome.
As always, everyone, continue to have a safe and fun year. Whether the things above turn out to be true or not (and if so, please tell me so I can look into opening a Psychic Shop — English majors, ya know?). Enjoy your year, and I hope all of these predictions are in your favor!
Questions? Email Sara at email@example.com.