By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist
LANCASTER, PA— Herbie Henderson, a local Trump supporter and climate change skeptic, has been extremely disappointed with the lack of snowfall in Lancaster this autumn season. The warm, dry fall has left Herbie without tangible evidence for why global warming does not exist. “I just want something to shut those damn liberals up about this crap,” said Herbie. “The past two October’s it’s been 30 degrees and snowing. Ain’t nobody talking about global warming when it’s snowing in October.”
Herbie expressed that he believes global warming is a hoax perpetuated by the progressive movement in order to steal jobs from the hardest-working Americans in the coal and oil industries.
Herbie also noted that he plans to move to Vermont, where his argument will be “much more persuasive.”
Editor’s Note: As of November 11th, Lancaster City is on pace to have its warmest November in history.
Senior Kyle Huntzberry is a satirical columnist. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org.