By Erin Moyer || Senior Editor
Now, um, usually I don’t do this but uh….Go head’ on and break ‘em off wit a lil’ preview of the throwback.
Okay, well, this is really the actual throwback. There is no ‘preview’ happening here. (Actually, why does R. Kelly even start this song by calling it a “preview?” We’re clearly getting the whole song, no? Is there actually an extended “Ignition” remix that we’ve unknowingly been in wait for since 2003? These are the questions.) But let me ask you this, my sweet reader: did reading those words take you back to simpler times, of acne and all-elbows, middle school socials? Did my opening with R. Kelly’s own immortal words conjure up his smooth, dragging voice coming over a party’s loudspeaker? Are you thinking of everyone yelling “yaaas,” and shout-singing all the words? Are you reminded of your Lexus coupe?
True enough, I usually don’t do this–this being, “writing throwbacks”–but it has suddenly become very important to me that we talk about “Ignition (Remix),” R. Kelly’s 2003 chart-topping banger. And when we talk about “Ignition (Remix),” I ask that we all say the “parenthesis ‘Remix’”–yes, you need to say ‘parenthesis’ part aloud–because that’s just part of the song’s magic. I don’t even want to acknowledge the original “Ignition.” I will never give that little bastard even a passing listen, for it is no more than the withered husk from which “Ignition (Remix)” emerged, magnificent and new as Aphrodite from the sea.
This little diddy isn’t just a masterful incarnation of early 2000s R&B, or the perfect, sugary-sweet mix of comfort-zone nostalgia and good ol’ fashioned grooving. Oh no, “Ignition (Remix)” is a game-changer, my friends. It’s the ultimate crowd-pleaser. It will mystically make any event more fun. That is just its power. I have heard “Ignition (Remix)” at weddings, in apartments over decked iPods, while tabling on Hartman Green for my sorority. And never did “Ignition (Remix)” disappoint. Never did it fail to delight and inspire. Never did people not celebrate its coming.
We should all try to be the “Ignition (Remix)” of our friend groups: something that people cherish just having around. Something that bridges divides and discontent, and brings everybody together. Something that can make us all happy. Because really, is that noble, unitarian vision not what “Ignition (Remix)” is about? We all owe R. Kelly for this sweet prophecy. “Ignition (Remix)” makes me lie down in hotel lobbies. It leads me beside rum and cokes. It restoreth the fellas to my left, as well as the hunnies on my right. Play this song, my kind reader. Live this song.
“Ignition (Remix)” will always give me joy. It will always be a treat to dance to, to try and “roll my body” along to its lyrics. And bonus points if I actually hear it over the freakin’ weekend, cuz that means baby, I’m about to have me some fun. Today, we are all R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix).” War is over, if you want it.
Erin Moyer is the Senior Editor. Her email is firstname.lastname@example.org.