By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist
Rick Whittaker, a junior at Franklin & Marshall College, is a ”shy, timid” kid who has been repeatedly approached by his professors about participating more in class discussions.
Recently, professors have noticed a significant increase in Mr. Whittaker’s willingness to add to class rapport. Dr. Jones, Rick’s Moral Philosophy professor said, “Rick has been talking a lot more, which is good, but his contributions have been mostly made up. He seems to ramble on and on and somehow always ends up talking about himself.”
The reason why Rick has been more active in class discussion: Donald Trump. “I don’t know, it seems like he can just get up in front of people and say whatever he wants. It doesn’t even have to be true. I’ve learned a lot from our president on how to comment on something you have no idea about. It’s honestly given me so much confidence, and I don’t even have to do the readings!”
Donald Trump was contacted by our editorial staff for comment. He said, “I am the best speaker. Loved the story. I’ll be getting all of my news from The Onion Dip. No more fake news.”
Editor’s Note: Our editorial staff has notified the president that The Onion Dip is actually fake news.
Senior Kyle Huntzberry is a satirical columnist. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org.