By Abigail Glickman || Onion Dip Contributing Writer
Someone needs to say it already. I don’t even know how it still exists today and we are proud to proclaim it. Our mascot is probably the most embarrassing thing about our school, besides Brooks. With our tuition, all of the dorms should be identical to Roschell. Anyways, the “Diplomats” is the most condescending name someone could think of. Who do we think we are? Oh wow, we are playing the Diplomats! I’m so scared. What are we going to do? Fight you with a strongly worded letter of complaint? It is so bombastic of us to make us seem “sophisticated” by having that represent us. If I was another team playing us, I would think we need to crush them just to ruin their massive egos. Not even caring about the sport, just to knock them down their make-believe pedestal. Our mascot is ASKING for us to get beat up, and honestly, I support it. We deserve it. Our mascot has made us seem like the guy in class that has strictly made their sole personality having houses in Cabo, The Hamptons, and Aspen wearing Golden Goose shoes with a Canada Goose jacket. And before anyone mentions it, I know that our mascot is supposed to represent John Marshall and Ben Franklin. I don’t care.
Even High School Musical knew how to make a good mascot and that was for children. The bobcats are more intimidating and show they will fight until the end. And also makes for much better slogans and apparel. I know it is not just me that when I walk around wearing something that says “Diplomats” it feels like I am the biggest stick in the mud. Wink Wink. Here we are, finding out who we will become in life and developing our identities, and we labeled ourselves as the most conceited, snobby, and self-absorbed people. Our mascot makes us seem like we would be those people who serve beef tartare for a wedding rehearsal dinner and write every single update of our children’s lives on the Christmas card.
When people ask me, “What is your mascot?”, I do not light up and say with a smile “The Diplomats”. I get beyond embarrassed because I know as soon I say the words out loud, it will be followed by the usual disgusted face. I know, I agree it makes two of us. I hope this finds someone in the right hands to make a change because we all so desperately need to fix this. To the administration, instead of focusing on bagel breakfasts, focus on the morals and community life of your students. Xoxo, an ashamed Dip.
Sophomore Abigail Glickman is a Contributing Writer for the Onion Dip. Her email is firstname.lastname@example.org