By Lily Vining || Campus Life Editor
LV: Hi Elle, it is so lovely to finally meet you.
LV: Let me start with the obvious: where have you been?
Elle: I mean, perhaps this comes as a surprise, but just like the rest of y’all… I too am a student. Things got busy, and I fell victim to the overload-myself-with-activities-that-I’m-not-even-that-passionate-about-just-to-feel-something mentality. Can’t say I’ve even been in the position to be giving valuable advice, but now I’ve tightened up my schedule a bit and my Google Calendar reads, “10 am-11 am: Advice Time, Bitches.”
LV: On your hiatus, what have you been doing?
Elle: Well you know, engaging in some health and wellness, personal-growth bullshit. Feeling better, but not the best. Look, I wanna believe that I have the power to revamp my life and become the most self-actualized, put-together bitch on this campus, but that’ll never be me. I’m not going to pretend to be perfect, ‘cause I’m not. But you know what I am? Honest— and that’s gotta count for something!
LV: What have you seen over the past few months that you think the campus community needs the most right now?
Elle: Look, I think this campus needs a fucking break. I’m talking about a collective deep breath. We can all be a little self-serious, no? I hope you all take the opportunity to get some (questionably) stellar, brutally honest advice. And if nothing else, you can at least get a laugh out of my earnest attempt to help some of you out.
LV: What are you most looking forward to this semester?
Elle: Oh, I’m ready to get into it. I’m genuinely looking forward to the opportunity to deal with others’ problems, ahead of my own.
LV: Do you have any sneak peeks at what readers can expect this semester?
Elle: Well, dear readers, that all depends on you… Send me your juiciest, raunchiest, dirtiest little secrets, and I just might share some of my thoughts. Oh— also, I like to overshare, so you can expect some ~personal~ anecdotes; I’m more than willing to rehash my unfortunate mistakes. You know, for the public good.
LV: Finally, will we ever find out your identity?
Elle: Do you think a professional gossip wants her identity revealed? Anonymity is a blessing, darling.
To submit questions to Dear Elle, use this anonymous form.
Lily Vining is the Campus Life Editor. Her email is firstname.lastname@example.org.