He’s infected!
President Rich has been the most recent victim infected with baby boo. He has been doing the dance everywhere, scaring the crap out of students. He has been isolated and…
Man eats curling stone
During the curling event at the Olympics, Collin Corvet knew he had lost his chance to bring Vatican City a medal following his failure to meet the weight requirement, so…
Lottery or Labubu?
Anne Litherway had a recent encounter with a woman who was willing to give her a winning lottery ticket for her 24 karat gold labubu. Not only was the ticket…
No one has been accepted?
Regular admissions acceptances have been released! In record numbers, Franklin and Marshall is accepting 0 applicants as every single applicant wrote their supplemental essay, about a role model, about Tonka…
The Real Rich Rush…
It’s official, sororities and fraternities have given out bids and new members are officially being initiated! We asked for an update from the president of the Alpha Ligma Zeta. He…
Idol!!
In the latest round of F&M idol, a surprise guest made an appearance. Lorde shushed the Chessmen! They were serenading during her number and she shushed the shit out of…
It’s a girl!
That’s right, the man, the myth and the legend had a baby. Punksatawny Phil has reproduced! When asked by insiders about his new child, he had this to say, “spring…
Ultimate Guide to Being a Good Taken Friend on Valentine’s Day!
Miss Guidance is the newest and most effective way to get advice on anything you need! Whether it be about school, friends, love life or the best washing machine on…
I Saw the Jonas Brothers at the Local Waffle House
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. We’ve all been there. It’s 2 a.m. on a Saturday, you were kicked out…
Checking in with F&M’s Class of 2025
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. It’s been about two months since Franklin & Marshall’s class of 2025 walked triumphantly…
F&M Awards PhDs (No Grad School Required)
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. Here at Franklin and Marshall College, an undergraduate institution located in Amish Country, Pennsylvania,…
Why am I Seeing the Same Number of Emails?
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. Breaking news! F&M enforced a new email policy where students aren’t allowed to send…
What to Get Your Situationship: Valentine’s Day Edition
Image Courtesy of Creative Commons The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. Looking for a last-minute Valentine’s Day gift for that…
Goose on the Loose!
Hello, students of F&M! I’m the goose who spent the weekend hanging around your campus! It was a pleasure getting to know some of you from afar. If you don’t…
Battle of the Mascots
Junior Carrie Teti is the Arts & Leisure Editor for The College Reporter. Her email is cteti@fandm.edu.