[pullquote1 quotes=”true” align=”center”]American Horror Story disturbs all[/pullquote1]

Staff Writer

Recently, I’ve noticed a lot of strange things that have been going on in the world — in the television world. This event stood out the most:I know the second season of American Horror Story (AHS) ended forever ago but I saw it a few days ago! I stopped watching AHS sometime over break because I just didn’t have the time. Anyway, I resumed my love for Asylum with “The Name Game.”

I was pitying Sister Jude, which was surprising considered I hated her in the beginning of the season. There she was, locked up in Briarcliff, chain smoking and flicking ashes in the direction of anyone who dared to glance at her. Poor Sister Jude. What happened to the woman who used to love singing and flirting with married men? Well, she came back!
After a fight with the Jukebox, Jude burst into song: “Lana! Lana, Lana bo Bana Banana fanna fo Fana Fee fy mo Mana, Laaaaana!” Oh my goodness, Asylum the Musical was here and I got first row seats.

After that whole fiasco — which was unfortunately entirely imagined by Jude — Lana was like: “Girl, do you know your name?” Sigh. Jude was too crazy to know her own name.

Eventually, the madness ends and Lana becomes Oprah. No wait, 10 times better than Oprah. Has Oprah ever received an honor from the Kennedy Center?

Okay, so while Lana is writing novels and being akin to Oprah, a wheelchair-bound Kit develops pancreatic cancer. Just as he’s about to die, the aliens, who by the way were never, ever explained, appear. Kit rolls into a light and says, “It’s been real”.

Yes Kit, but are the aliens real? I wouldn’t know because they were never explained!

Anyway, Oprah Winters is doing an interview when Crazy Son shows up to murder her. “I went on Ebay and for $1.99, I purchased the tape in which you said that you wanted to abort me! I hate you even though you were kidnapped by a serial killer, who happens to be my father and made lampshades out of human skin. I love him more! Now, it’s time to die,” Crazy Son cried. Lana Winters tells her crazy son that she’s always loved him and then he hands the gun to her, finally getting some motherly love. And then Lana Winters kills him.

Overall, this was one of the weirdest things to resurface in my life.

Questions? Email Briona at bprice@fandm.edu.

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