By Kt Thomas || Satirical Columnist

If you’re wondering why every Brother of Chi Chi Chi fraternity’s back problems have disappeared, it’s because Senior Brother Bradley Herwood has started a paperless movement. This year, instead of wasting his father’s money on bulky textbooks, Herwood has decided to put the cash toward something far more important, his future, and his Brothers have adopted the trend.


He got the idea after noticing that rehab isn’t covered in his health plan when he accidentally read an article on healthcare legislation while lining the walls with newspaper for the latest “fake news and tons of booze” themed mixer, and decided to be proactive and start saving now.


“Of course we all set aside a few bucks for the slush fund first. We’re not animals. But, I figured, maybe dad will finally get off my back about the definition of ‘Alcoholism’ and mom will stop crying whenever she looks in the liquor cabinet after I visit home… GO TRI CHI!” said Herwood.


Senior Kt Thomas is a satirical columnist. Her email is