Contributing Writer

Added to the great mysteries of Franklin & Marshall College — how many minutes of my life does each Salsa Rico burrito cost; why are all the classes I need scheduled at 8:00 in the morning; is the sculpture next to the College Center just a collection of scrap from NCH, etc. — has been added a new enigma: what is the purpose of the construction on the second floor of the College Center?

Deciding that we could all use a few more answers in this uncertain world, I embarked on a mission to uncover whatever diabolical plot the administration had this time invented. The investigation was lengthy and perilous, with many a stakeout and lock-picking, but Private Eye Hughes does not give up a case!

Auxiliary Services, whose offices are currently on the first floor of the College Center to the left of the information desk, will be moving upstairs to the new office. Barbara Wilson, the associate director of Auxiliary Services, stated: “The aim is to eliminate the current confusion between Auxiliary Services and the information desk, and create a separate place where students can get ID cards and lanyards for student ID to prevent them from losing their IDs, Ben’s Bucks, etc.”

Presumably then, there is a population of students who are, at present, unable to find their way from the information desk through the door two-feet to the left. So much for our intellectual rigor.

But the real question here isn’t where Auxiliary Services is moving, but what will take its place. In my research I have come to the conclusion that the College understands the office next to the information desk is a black hole for students, and intends to house there its clandestine operations. Perhaps that is where they will store the “random-fire-alarm-at-2-a.m.” machine; perhaps something more sinister. But fret not, dear F&M students — Private Eye Hughes is on the beat.

Questions? Email Patrick at

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