[pullquote3 quotes=”true” align=”center”]Movies You Should’ve Seen By Now[/pullquote3]

BY ZACH SCHREIBER ’13
Staff Writer

If you haven’t seen Super Troopers, and you’ve hung out with me at all, you may have found yourself on the outside of an inside joke because I quote this movie all the time. Whether I’m ordering a liter-cola or demanding we leave “right meow!” I pay tribute to this epically funny Police-Academy-meets-Animal-House film on the reg.

Maybe it’s because I’m not a mature, sophisticated movie enthusiast, but I think the opening scene of Super Troopers is the best introduction to any comedy I’ve ever seen. It opens with the question: If you own a beach house, do you own the sand and the ocean?

A motley crew of Vermont stoners rolls down the highway, baking-out their car, and engaging the viewers in a philosophical debate about naked girls breaking their feet on your beachfront property.

“Sue me! Sue me!” yells out the red-eyed teenager, whose only claim to fame is the scene from this movie.

Their good time comes to an abrupt end when a cop car pulls up next to them, both police officers staring right in their direction.

Frightened, the driver tries to remain calm. The passenger-seat stoner dishes bag after bag of weed to his friend, who shoves the drugs in his mouth in a panicked attempt to get rid of the evidence. Each time a bag is devoured he receives a “Sorry, man” look and is handed yet another bag. After the boy eats “like…100 bucks worth of pot and like…30 bucks worth of shrooms,” the cops start messing with the stoned teenagers by slamming on their brakes, putting their sirens on, driving past them, reversing, pulling them over, and asking them a series of grilling questions: “Well, did you say ‘yes sir’ or ‘yeah, sure?’”

The driver tries to handle the situation while the friend in the back tries to fight the insane amount of drugs he just ingested: “You are freaking out…man.”

Unfortunately for the cops, the drug bust is broken up by a speeding wacko in a white convertible; and, since they can’t just let the hippie teens off the hook, they take them along on a wild chase. As it ends up, the speeding wacko is an officer himself, playing one of the highway patrol games of catch-me-if-you-can. Now, all these cops have to do is teach the dopers in the backseat a lesson. The speeding wacko returns, hijacks the cop car, and shows off his reckless driving skills: “You boys like Mex-i-co? Yeehaww!” And the story begins.

Now, the movie only gets better and better as it goes on. It documents the life of five Vermont highway patrol officers who like to have a little fun on the job. Their station is getting shut down in the next few months due to a low record of busts and a high record of brawls with the neighboring police force, but their not-so-faithful captain fights to find a way they can all keep their jobs. There’s a love story thrown in the middle, as well as dead bodies, mysteries of drug conspiracies, and plenty of gags and knee-slappers. Will the mayor shut the station down or will the boys in blue get their act together? Watch to find out.

You seriously need to see this movie though. It plays out every kid’s fantasy of, “Well, if I was a cop I’d do whatever I want.” It’s playfully shot, colorfully cast, and put the Broken Lizard group on the map (they went on to do Beerfest and the not-as-popular Club Dread).

I like Super Troopers more and more every time I see it, even when I’m quoting every line as they say it.
It may not be hailed as great by most movie reviewers, but that’s because they’re too snobby to see its genius. Like, how every time you see the captain there’s a pair of antlers behind him, making him look like a stuffed deer. Or how every group of friends has a “Farva” who nobody likes. Car Ram-Rod.

“The snossberries taste like snossberries.”

Enough said. Go see this movie.

zachary.schreiber@fandm.edu

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