For the first time this past fall, students were finally able to go abroad in the fall since covid, and people have not been shy letting everyone know their whereabouts. PLEASE keep us updated about every country you went to. I have not seen any pictures in front of Temple Pub in Dublin before, while wearing all black leather and a slicked back bun. I love the originality.
It’s not only the constant post that all your followers are just drooling over, but it’s the change when you are back. Class introductions need a fun fact? Throw in that you spent the semester in Paris and now know how to correctly say croissant. You are so cultured now. Those annual trips to Cancun growing up clearly changed your perspective on the world. I’m so surprised you were able to learn even more about cultures.
Please keep referencing all the “hole in the wall” restaurants you went to that you discovered on a viral Tik Tok. You are so edgy. You’re basically a local. PLEASE keep bringing up how in the U.S. we eat dinner so early, and it was impossible to get a reservation anywhere before 8 PM! Keep the advice coming, because I hold so much power in the restaurant industry. You’re really onto something.
Oh, you went to Italy? Sorry, I couldn’t tell from every five seconds when you somehow think you developed an Italian accent and miss having to walk everywhere. Really cool of you. Did you forget to mention how much you missed Dunkin Donuts or Starbucks, and now you can finally get iced coffee on every corner? Because that is exactly what you need, more caffeine to fuel this conversation. Yes, please keep telling me how the food system in the U.S. is setting up Americans for obesity and we should model it after Europe. And you were able to eat everything you wanted without a stomach ache. I’m really happy you were finally able to digest food because I care so much about your digestive tract.
The best, the ultimate icing on the cake, is telling me how when you came back you were finally able to do everything you loved that was American. The first Chiptole burrito you finally had made your mouth water? The first Oreo McFlurry you had made you cry? Ah, yes, because you finally had world class food made by locals with actual ingredients that did not have chemicals to survive a nuclear war. Makes so much sense as to why you would want all the American classics. Right.
Going abroad should be a stepping stone in finding who you are and becoming more globally competent. It should not become your sole talking point and personality. Oh, sorry, I forgot to mention, did you guys know I was abroad? I have so many recommendations, especially for the best places to get fresh penne alla vodka. And it won’t upset your stomach!
Junior Abigail Glickman is The Onion Dip Editor. Her email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Photo courtesy of the lovely Abigail.