By Abigail Glickman || Onion Dip Editor
In my opinion, the end of March is the best time of the year. The weather is all out of sorts. One day, it will be a beautiful sunny spring day when the lowest temperature is 50 and everyone sheds the winter jacket. Every blue chair on Hartman is taken up and slowly the cherry blossoms around CC start to bud. Then BOOM. Next day we have an Emergency Alert for a snow squall and we are back in the dead days of February, where all the dorms turn the heat to the highest. Like okay, we get it. Our tuition goes towards heat and making the food significantly better on admitted students day. Because that is exactly what this campus needs: another food truck when another department is getting cut! March is the time when people don’t know if they will need 3 three layers to stop shivering or just a t-shirt. But, where the amazement lies in this spectacular month, is how clearly evident it is of the girls who edit their pictures.
The spring break tans are gone by now. But, interestingly you still seem to have that fresh, sun kissed nose with the perfectly placed freckles under your eyes? Fascinatingly, you seem to have that golden glow from the sun? But, when we see you in person with all those winter layers gone, you look like the last time you saw the sun was the last time you went to the gym about, about 5 years ago. They are both apparent. Take a hint.
If it was not enough of the curved railings behind every bikini picture, the Facetune victims are really showing now. You can no longer hide the tan you edited on all the pictures you posted. Just a heads up, the color of your face is actually supposed to match the color of your neck! I know right, so crazy. But you can no longer hide behind the amount of likes to project that you are confident. Time to actually be it! Fake it ‘till you make it I guess?
My favorite, the true contender to this epidemic, is how face masks are now optional. This is where peoples’ appearances are truly tested. On Instagram, you seem to have the most pearly whites that will capture anyone’s eyes. But, hm, now all I see is corn on the cob teeth. I love seeing how seriously people take dental hygiene! Yes!! Serving Medieval chic.
Editing pictures is so pre-Covid. Time to grow up and stop using the app you downloaded in middle school. Time to actually start working on your self esteem, rather than the competition of who can get the most likes. Time to be… dare I even say the word, real?
Sophomore Abigail Glickman is the Onion Dip Editor. Her email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Photo courtesy of memesmonkey.com