By Crystal Olague || Staff Writer
Mental health is a tricky thing. It affects us every day, and we never know how it will affect us. I’ve spent the last three weeks avoiding this article because I didn’t know what I wanted to write about, and I still don’t, but that’s the thing. It’s so hard to put into words what I am feeling or how my mind is running on a given day, primarily because I choose to ignore it all the time, hoping that I’ll feel better if I just pretend I’m better.
It’s strange because now that I’m in college, I’m more aware of how I’m feeling, and most of the time, I just feel empty. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I feel like a lot of you understand what I mean. At times, I wish I could just disappear and fade away to run from all my problems and responsibilities that I don’t want to deal with at the time. Other times, I feel as though there is a void that I can’t seem to feel, or I don’t know how to feel and that scares me. On rare occasions, I feel a deep sadness that has been a part of me from a young age, but I never really understood. I believe that most people go through something similar in their lives, and whether they talk about it or not, there’s a way for all of us to connect with each other.
College also doesn’t help with the way some people feel. College was a chance for me to branch out and overcome the fears I had in the past, which I am grateful for and will continue to keep doing, but in other ways, it wasn’t so helpful. I never experienced true loneliness until I came here. Now, when I say this I don’t mean that I feel alone, but there are times when I’m simply lonely. I’m sure you all know the saying where you can still be lonely surrounded by a group of people. That is exactly how I feel sometimes, and it’s hard to express this when people see you as someone who always has someone to talk to when that’s not how it feels to me. I don’t always know how to express myself properly, and if I’m being honest, I don’t really want to do that. It’s something that I am trying to work through, but it is hard.
I just want this article to show people that they are not alone in their experiences and hopefully give a chance for people to connect with each other or start a conversation. I hope you all are doing okay, and if you’re not, I hope things get better.
Crystal Olague ‘24 is a Staff Writer. Her email is colague@fandm.edu.