By Abigail Glickman ll The Onion Dip Columnist
It is winter time: even this massive Nor’easter storm is proving it. People are bundling up to cover every inch of their skin. Taking every scarf, jacket, and sweater to cover that stubborn muffin top. Yet, there has always been and will continue the tradition of boys (yes boys, not worthy of the title of men) of wearing shorts and flip-flops in frigid temperatures. WOW!! You can brave the cold!! Take me out to dinner…
I sincerely believe that they treat the cold like a competition. The temperature drops 2 degrees, and you know what that means… showing off my ability to hide how cold I am. If I have to sit through one more Anthropology class with a guy’s hairy, unclipped toes while I am sitting on my hands to give them warmth. FIGHTING to move my hands to text back and to gain sensation back in my toes. I do not need to see that ingrown hair on your big toe that you refuse to take care of. I do not need to see how pale your feet are or how you think it is socially acceptable to stop washing your body past your knees. Put your dogs away.
I truly believe BOYS think the cold is another way to show off their make-believe masculinity. If revving their engines loud enough does not do it for them, wearing no clothes in winter is their plan B. We all know you are cold and wishing for that warm, comforting winter jacket to cover you up and let you bear the winter a little more comfortably. Join the twenty-first century and realize that the only way to impress WOMEN is through their bank account. KIDDING omg….
To all the boys, I would like to leave you with some sage and wise advice. Please stop this behavior. It makes everyone uncomfortable and almost 100% guarantees that any female in your vicinity is fighting the urge to throw up. After all the suffering women have been through, please stop adding to the list. A man who can proudly wear pants and boots is ten times more attractive. For the first time in your life, please put some thought into your actions and how they might affect other people.
A woman not wanting to get nauseous during class <3
Sophomore Abigail Glickman is the Onion Dip Columnist. Her email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Photo courtesy of theodysseyonline.com