We Need Global Warming, It’s Freezing
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. On January 19th, 2025, something tragic happened. A winter storm has arrived in Lancaster,…
Think Your Dorm Assignment Was Bad This Year? I Had to Live in DHall
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. I know a lot of first-year students have had horrible experiences with housing. However,…
Adherants of Eclipse-Worshipping Mystery Cult Spotted on Hartman Green
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. “Sol lucebit, et Lunam circum Terram orbit, nam nisi vage definitae res fient.” –…
Is Holiday Spirit Dead?
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. I got the chance to visit New York City a couple weekends ago and…
Failed by the New Course Registration Format
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. It’s everyone’s favorite time of year again: registration season. Last week was just so…
Operation Maple Monopoly: Invade Canada!
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. My fellow Americans, it’s high time we manifest our destiny by returning to the…
Franklin and Marshall College Welcomes Autumn
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. Franklin and Marshall College welcomes the autumn season with open arms! As the weather…
You’re Wearing that for Halloween?
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. It’s finally that time of year. As Mean Girls so poignantly put it, Halloween…
Commander Biden Breaks Silence After White House Exit
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. In an exclusive interview with The College Reporter, the two-year-old German Shepherd looks back…
Franklin & Marshall College: Where Seasonal Depression Meets Midterms – A Survival Guide
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. Hey F&M! Is that seasonal depression kicking in? Dang, that’s too bad. Here’s a…
The Expanding Cultural Imperialism of the Basic Fall Girl
By Dafni Vitsou The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. One of the most interesting aspects of the American youth culture,…
Who Could Be the Next Speaker of The House?
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. After Matt Gaetz’s (R-Fla.) motion to vacate led to the House of Representatives narrowly…
Proper Manners for Tour Guides
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. 5 Things You Should Definitely Do When You See A Tour on Campus It’s…
A Word For New Residents of Thomas Hall
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. If you’re like me and you just started living in Thomas Hall this year,…
Kiwibots: Where Are They Now?
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All content is not to be taken seriously. Junior Berkeley Frost is a staff writer. Their email is bfrost@fandm.edu.