The Onion Dip: Missing Persons Report
By Anonymous Here ye, here ye, the Campus Cryer has an important announcement. The biggest scandal since 1564 is upon us… William Shakespeare is missing. Height: 6 foot Weight: Paper…
The One True D1 Sport.
By Tira Mercadante || Op-Ed Layout Assistant If you haven’t heard by now, Franklin & Marshall has its own Surf Team. I had the amazing opportunity to get to know…
Hot New Food Account Alert: @samimakesfoodsamieatsfood
By Samantha Milowitz || Op-Eds Editor Hi guys! Sami here! Welcome to my new food account on Insta!!!! For those that are new here, let me catch you up to…
Frats are Thriving on F&M’s Campus
By Diana Lichtenstein || Onion Dip Columnist It has come to my attention that a whopping number of 14 new members have rushed and joined the two active frats on…
Who Needs the Music Program Anyways?
By Fiorella Comparini Donoso || Contributing Writer Due to the global pandemic, F&M has been scrounging for pennies recently. I knew things were going downhill when the upperclassmen told me…
Why You Should Date A Townie
By Diana Lichtenstein || Onion Dip Columnist Who is a “townie” exactly? Well, Urban Dictionary defines a townie as, “a person living in the community who does not attend or…
In The Event of a Pandemic
By Samantha Milowitz || Op-Eds Editor Hi there! Are you an incoming senior in college? Having a good time, cruising along; you’ve made your friends, you see the light at…
The Onion Dip:Proper Popcorn Etiquette
By Lily Vining || Contributing Writer Freshman year of college is full of countless firsts. This is the year that many young adults first experience living on their own and…
This Just In: Cuffing Season Conflicts with J-Term
By Diana Lichtenstein || Satirical Columnist If you aren’t sitting down, please do, for I have some frightening news. According to Google, the cuffing season starts in October and ends…
Welcome to Water World
By Tess Fiumefreddo || Satirical Columnist Picture this: a hot, sunny day at Franklin & Marshall College. Birds are chirping, kids are laughing, and parents are sobbing over their children…
The Onion Dip: Silent Protest Quelled with Water Balloons Thrown from Old Main
KT Thomas || satirical Columnist Some say it was the overcast, chilly day. Others blame the stress of making it to class on time. But, inside sources state that the…
Onion Dip: Rates of Addiction Skyrocket in German Shepherds Following ‘Drug Detection Dog’ Training
By KT Thomas || Satirical Columnist We often consider the effects drugs have on mankind, but what happens when mankind’s best friend gets hooked? For years, Detection Dogs, otherwise known…
The Onion Dip: Student decides that his “Myrtle bod” has to wait until next year
By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist Zach Jones, a sophomore BOS major and member of Greek life, was forced to forgo his quest for a “Myrtle bod” primarily because he…
In light of academic studies, financial benefits, llamas will soon replace public safety officers
By Kyle Huntzberry & David Martin || Satirical Columnists LANCASTER — Franklin & Marshall College, who is at the forefront of the need-based aid trend, caused a stir in the academic world…
The Onion Dip: Psychology major well aware that blacking out is a sign of depression
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER — Local F&M student and Psychology major Jeremy Park is well-aware that his alcoholic tendencies and overwhelming likelihood to black-out when he drinks is most…