He’s infected!
President Rich has been the most recent victim infected with baby boo. He has been doing the dance everywhere, scaring the crap out of students. He has been isolated and…
Man eats curling stone
During the curling event at the Olympics, Collin Corvet knew he had lost his chance to bring Vatican City a medal following his failure to meet the weight requirement, so…
Lottery or Labubu?
Anne Litherway had a recent encounter with a woman who was willing to give her a winning lottery ticket for her 24 karat gold labubu. Not only was the ticket…
No one has been accepted?
Regular admissions acceptances have been released! In record numbers, Franklin and Marshall is accepting 0 applicants as every single applicant wrote their supplemental essay, about a role model, about Tonka…
The Real Rich Rush…
It’s official, sororities and fraternities have given out bids and new members are officially being initiated! We asked for an update from the president of the Alpha Ligma Zeta. He…
Idol!!
In the latest round of F&M idol, a surprise guest made an appearance. Lorde shushed the Chessmen! They were serenading during her number and she shushed the shit out of…
It’s a girl!
That’s right, the man, the myth and the legend had a baby. Punksatawny Phil has reproduced! When asked by insiders about his new child, he had this to say, “spring…
Why am I Seeing the Same Number of Emails?
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. Breaking news! F&M enforced a new email policy where students aren’t allowed to send…
Battle of the Mascots
Junior Carrie Teti is the Arts & Leisure Editor for The College Reporter. Her email is cteti@fandm.edu.
New Club Spotlight: The Off-Campus Club
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. Are you a senior living in College Row or West James? Have you abandoned…
Wellness Center Closed on the Weekends: How This Betters the Lives of Students
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. About a month ago, I moved into F&M. A few days in, following endless…
This Air STINKS!
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. It’s a cool, crisp Thursday morning in mid-September, and you’re all ready to set…
Should You Spend on the Vend?
Photo courtesy of Nora Williams. The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. That deep blue neon lighting casts its light out…
Social Media is Kinda Horrid
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. About a week ago, rumors started spreading that TikTok would be shutting down. Again.…
Kiwibots: National Hockey League, Harvard, and Waffle House
The Onion Dip Column is the satire section. All articles are not to be taken seriously. Last semester, The College Reporter published an investigative video by Berkley Frost exploring the…