The independent student newspaper of Franklin & Marshall College
By KT Thomas || Satirical Columnist Recent Philosophy grad burns diploma in a statement to prove that he truly knows nothing Just moments after 500 caps soared into the air,…
By KT Thomas || Satirical Columnist During an interview about student involvement on campus over the summer, rising junior, Laura Johnson, was asked about her job in the Advancement office.…
By KT Thomas || Satirical Columnist In response to the rumors circulating campus, Fraternity president, Westwood Vanderbilt III, called a press conference on Wednesday in the middle of Hartman Green…
By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist Zach Jones, a sophomore BOS major and member of Greek life, was forced to forgo his quest for a “Myrtle bod” primarily because he…
By Kyle Huntzberry & David Martin || Satirical Columnists LANCASTER — Franklin & Marshall College, who is at the forefront of the need-based aid trend, caused a stir in the academic world…
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER — Local F&M student and Psychology major Jeremy Park is well-aware that his alcoholic tendencies and overwhelming likelihood to black-out when he drinks is most…
By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist Rick Whittaker, a junior at Franklin & Marshall College, is a ”shy, timid” kid who has been repeatedly approached by his professors about participating…
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER—Franklin and Marshall College student Will Bradley was reportedly thrilled when College President Dan Porterfield posted on his Facebook wall last Tuesday for his…
By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER—Jenna Robertson, a junior pre-med student from Glastonbury, Connecticut, confided to her three best friends in her sorority that she doesn’t believe white privilege…
By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER, PA— Herbie Henderson, a local Trump supporter and climate change skeptic, has been extremely disappointed with the lack of snowfall in Lancaster this…
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER, PA— Crying profusely on the way to his first class on Wednesday morning, the guilt of jokingly voting for President-elect Donald Trump finally…
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER, PA — Sources report that Franklin and Marshall College Junior Brendan Brandonburger stole the “dopest” sign in hopes of adding it to his…
By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER, PA— Matt Jones, a local Franklin & Marshall student, felt uncomfortable expressing his views at the campus’ recent Day of Dialogue. According to…
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER, PA — “I never imagined I’d run for office,” Bigley chuckled, “That all changed, though, on the evening of September 26, 2016 during…
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist WASHINGTON— While gardening is being commercialized alone, like growing monterey oak trees for sale, the POTUS takes it personally. Sources close to President Obama…