By Abigail Glickman || The Onion Dip Editor
Marathon runners are rather a different breed of athletes. Yes, becoming a student-athlete is one of the hardest things to do, falling right behind solving cancer. Truly, it is remarkable how all student-athletes have to handle just so much on their plates. Kudos to you! Practice, school work, games, managing a schedule, you poor things.
But, the absolute best kind of athletes are the marathon runners. Why? Because they are so humble and down to earth. They do not post about their daily runs, with the map of their run and how far they ran. YES! THANK YOU! I really needed to know the path of your run. Aw, you ran in the shape of a heart? I’m melting. We both know you are just stalking your ex and running by their house. Thanks for sharing! My favorite is when runners create even a separate account to document their progress. So sweet of you to share. This is a safe place, glad you feel comfortable enough to post those glowing photos of yourself post-run. The sweat glistening on your face, your beet red face, and hair matted down to your face, so beautiful. You are making Kylie Jenner regret all her plastic surgery.
It is not only on social media where you can see the excitement of their extensive passion for running, but thankfully in every single conversation you have. “Sorry, I did not have my morning run LOL”. LOL! Ugh so true bestie. We are the same. I do not think the morning runs change your horrendous personality that much because the before and after are pretty much the same, both make stubbing your toes more appealing than speaking to you any longer. Please keep talking about how you have runners’ feet and constant blisters. Please keep talking about how you are training for a marathon and on a strict diet of chicken and rice. Sounds really yummy. Glad you are enjoying all that life has to offer. Because your personality is as bland as your diet.
I honestly applaud runners for their loyalty to completely branding themselves to be the most dull, shallow, and irritating people. It is rather a group effort, creating a community of who not to befriend. Runners operate in the same vein as vegans. They pick one thing to be their conversion starter, actual conversation, and conversation ender. They only post about one thing, wanting more people to join the cult, and always seem to use FaceBook? They always post the most generic memes of either the dad asking kids for snacks in the back seat or cat videos. So camp of you.
Anyways, catch Sedona Levine and I running a 5K next weekend. We have been training really hard to work up our pace. And follow our Instagram account !
Junior Abigail Glickman is The Onion Dip Editor. Her email is firstname.lastname@example.org.
Article idea from the beast runner Sedona Levine.