By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist

Photo courtesy of
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LANCASTER—F&M student Raymond Charles was caught off guard during his 11 o’clock statistics class, when the professor unexpectedly assigned group work. Raymond, a quiet, reserved kid, was unfortunately paired with self-proclaimed “frat star” Dylan Johnson. The pair worked on solving hyper-geometric distributions for a solid 15 minutes.

To Raymond’s surprise, Dylan was a condescending a–hole only a few times. “He was just like a normal person,” said Ray, a sophomore Economics major, “I mean sure he bragged about how he could shotgun a beer in 4.2 seconds and how he ‘made love’ to more women last weekend than I will in my entire lifetime. But overall he seemed like a smart, down to earth guy.”

Senior Kyle Huntzberry is a satirical columnist. His email is