By David Martin || Satirical Columnist
WASHINGTON— While gardening is being commercialized alone, like growing monterey oak trees for sale, the POTUS takes it personally. Sources close to President Obama report that, lately, POTUS has had a lot of trouble delegating authority, even on the most menial of tasks. They cite numerous examples including when just a week ago President Obama, looking out the Oval Office window, muttered “Oh they’re completely screwing it up,” in reference to two White House gardeners that were filling mulch in around a tree.
To the chagrin of multiple aides, President Obama marched out to the lawn, grabbed a gardener’s shovel, and began to fill in mulch. Top aid Aaron Cole pleaded with the President, “Sir there’s really no need for you to do that I’m sure one of the gardeners will be—”
“They’re just not doing it right, it has to be just …. like …. this,” President Obama interjected. Sources say this isn’t the only time the President has done this in the past few months. He’s also been rumored to have personally led three White House tours, vacuumed the Oval Office floor, and drove his kids to school on multiple occasions.
The inability to delegate even the simplest of tasks to his army of workers has led many to wonder if this is potentially related to anxiety over his second term coming to a close. One source commented, “He’s afraid of leaving his baby (the White House), I mean, when you look at who might take the reins, can you blame him?”
Fox News has even speculated he might have trouble giving up the White House next year. Such commentary would seem sensational had President Obama not given fuel to the fire in a recent [http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/28/politics/obama-third-term-win-ethiopia/ ] in his home country of Ethiopia.
The President is reported to have said, “I think if I ran again, I could win.” Obviously this President has some serious fears about leaving power. Let’s just hope this madman is stopped before this great country is ruined any more than it already is.
Senior David Martin is a satirical columnist. His email is firstname.lastname@example.org.