Student steals totally “dope” road sign for his dorm room
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER, PA — Sources report that Franklin and Marshall College Junior Brendan Brandonburger stole the “dopest” sign in hopes of adding it to his…
The Onion Dip: Nearing end of second term, President Obama having trouble delegating authority
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist WASHINGTON— While gardening is being commercialized alone, like growing monterey oak trees for sale, the POTUS takes it personally. Sources close to President Obama…
The Onion Dip: Local student takes matters into own hands
By David Martin || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER—“I pay sixty-f—ing-grand to go here” stated local Franklin and Marshall College student Ryan Fischer, as he justified to his friends why he had…
The Onion Dip: Known frat star reportedly ‘not that bad’
By Kyle Huntzberry || Satirical Columnist LANCASTER—F&M student Raymond Charles was caught off guard during his 11 o’clock statistics class, when the professor unexpectedly assigned group work. Raymond, a quiet,…